Harry Potter Spoof
by Howl of a Werewolf
Summary: Title explains it all. RATED T: Language, violance,
1. Chapter 1

HARRY POTTER SPOOF!

**I now this skips throw very important scenes, but my story start and tells Harry**

"You're a wizard Harry". "I'm a what?" Harry asked in surprise. "A wizard, and bloody good one at that, once you get some training" Hagrid tells him. "WOW! Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, and wow… wow, wow, wow… A wizard… WOW!" Harry replied. "Yes, you're a wizard, and I'm here to bring you to Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry" Hagrid said. "WHAT THE F***!" Harry screamed with sudden anger. "WHAT!" Hagrid cried. "YOU CAME ALL THIS WAY TO BRING ME TO F***IN SCHOOL! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU (BEEEP)! I MEAN HOLLY F***IN SHIT!" Harry screamed. "HARRY!" Hagrid screamed. Harry stopped. "Just get on the god damn flying motorcycle" Hagrid growled. "Ok" Harry said, suddenly happy again.

**Sorry it's short, it'll hopefully get longer**

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	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

**ME: Well I'm back. Sad that summer is coming to an end, but on the bright side, February is that much closer, and my birthday is on Feb 11****th****, And I have co op next year, so maybe things will-**

**SOME RANDOM GUY: MISCHIEF MARRIAGE! **

**ME: (angry): WOULD YOU GET OUT OF HERE! **

**RANDOM GUY: (runs off)**

**ME: Anyway, let's continue**

Hagrid lead Harry to a secret gateway, to part of the wizardry world, DIAGON ALLY! Were Harry was to get all his school supplies. But first they had to go to a large building called Gringots. Were Harry realized that his parents left him with almost hundred dollars. Also Hagrid took something, and told Harry to keep quiet about it. Harry nodded.

LATER!

Harry all he needed, but he still needed. So he went into a store and got the perfect wand for him. But he also learned a mysterious wizard, referred to as YOU KNOW WHO!

LATER AGAIN!

Harry and Hagrid sat down in a restaurant. Harry kept asking that mysterious wizard. Hagrid gave in. "First off Harry, this very important… Not all wizards are good, some of them go bad, and his name was… Voldemort… It was dark times Harry, dark times.

_So a spooky hooded man walking. _

HAGRID: Voldemort is the most horrible and powerful wizard in our world

HARRY: Is that why he's dressed like death?

HAGRID: WHAT!

HARRY: Nothing

_Voldemort arrived at the house of Lily and James Potter. James opened the door. "Hello, do you have water?" Voldemort asked. "LILY, HUN!" James called to wife. Lilly a came over. "Yes?" She asked. "Some spooky looking guy, is asking for some water" James said. "Why?" Lily asked. "I don't know" James replied. Voldemort came in. "Do have pancakes?" He asked. "No" they replied. "Do have ANYTHING!" Voldemort cried. "We have a fridge full of Tuna, and a jug of orange juice" James replied. Voldemort started getting mad and them. Suddenly Voldemort lost it, while screaming, he pulled out a random hand gun, and continued screaming as he shot both of them. Then he went up the baby Harry, left that famish scar on his forehead, then left._

Hargid then said. "That's why your famish, that's why everybody knows your name, you are the boy who lived… Harry?" Hargrid heard snoring and saw that Harry fell asleep. Hagrid sighed in annoyance.

While at the train station. Harry met the Wesley's, a wizard family of complete gingers. With their help he went into the door way of the wizard world, onto a secret train, the Hogwarts.

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	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Harry was enjoying the train ride. "Excuse me, everywhere else is full" one of the guys Harry saw earlier. "Not at all" Harry said. The guy sat down in front of him. "I'm Ron by the way, Ron Weasily" The guy said. "I'm Harry, Harry Potter" Harry said. "Is… Is it true, I mean do you really have the… Scar?" Ron asked. Harry smiled and revealed it. "WOW! Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow ,wow wow, wow wow wow, and wow… wow….. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow… WOW!" Ron cried. "Want any candy's dears?" Asked the train candy lady. "No thanks, I'm all set" Ron said revealing a bagged lunch. Harry took out a bunch of money and got them lots of goodies.

Harry and Ron were enjoying lots of candy. Ron had a rat on his leg. "Paretic isn't he" Ron said. "Just a little" Harry admitted. "One of my brothers gave me a spell to turn him yellow… do want to see?" Ron asked. "YA!" Harry said excited. Ron about to use it, when a woman came. Asking if they seen a toad, then she noticed Ron was doing magic, and Ron went back to it. "Sunshine's, daises, bottom bellow, TURN THIS STUPID FAT RAT YELLOW!" The spell had zero effect, but it did zap the rat a bit. The girl started saying that the spell seemed stupid. "YOU'RE STUPID!" Ron cried angrily. The girl ignored him. She sat in front of Harry and used a spell to clean his glasses. Suddenly she realized he was Harry Potter. "I'm Hermily Granger" She said. "I'm Ron Weasily" Ron said.

After a long train ride they finally arrived. Everyone met with Hagrid, who lead them to Hogwarts. Witch was a giant Castle. Harry told Hagrid he was still pissed about having to go to school. 'WERE GOING TO SCHOOL! SHIT! I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING ELSE!" Ron cried. Just like that, everyone started getting mad at Hagrid for sending to school. Hagrid slapped his forehead in frustration.

Inside the castle they met Professor McGonagall, who explained to them the rules and stuff. After that. Harry was introduced to Draco Mouthboy. But Harry didn't denied being Mouthboy's friend.

SOON AFTER!

The Sorting hat placed everyone in the houses. Harry was put in Gryffindor with Ron and Hermily. Then they began feasting. But suddenly a bunch of ghosts came, including nearly headless nick.

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	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Harry and Ron were running down the hall. They were late for Poisons class.

The class was lead by the head of Sylethern, Professor Snape. "There will be no follies wand waving, or silly contaminations in my class" he said as soon as burst in. Snape went on about everything he can teach them how to do, but he noticed Harry was writing notes, and mocked him for not paying attention. Hermily elbowed his shoulder and he stopped writing. Snape began asking him a series of complicated questions, Harry kept saying he did know, but Hermily did. "Seriously, ask Hermily she knows" Harry said. Everyone laughed. Snape got angry. "You think your clever, huh, you little shit" Snape said angrily. "WHAT!" Harry cried. "You think just because you rich and famish, you can do whatever the hell you want" Snape mocked. "Who says I'm rich" harry said. "DON'T GET SMART WITH ME!" Snape screamed. "But all I said was" Harry started.

_Harry is shown being thrown out the room._

"ANYONE ELSE!" Snape cried. Nobody said anything. "Good" Snape said. And he went on with the lesson.

LATER THAT EVENING!

The students met Madame Hooch, for broom flying practice. She told the step to the left side of their brooms. Then raise their right hands and say up. For Harry went up instantly. For everyone else it took a while. For Hermily it only went half up, acting like a little child. And Ron was smacked in the face. Then Madame Hooch told them to get on their brooms. And blew her whistle. But Neville's broom went up, and out of control. And Neville ended up falling from a large height. And had to be taken to the hospital wing. After he left Moughboy picked up the remember ball Neville dropped. "Did you see that, maybe if the fat lump given this a squeeze, he would remember to fall on his ass" Moughboy mocked. And a few people laughed. "GIVE IT HERE MOUGHBOY!" Harry cried. "No, I think I'll" Moughboy began, but randomly burst out laughing. And continued as though he just heard the world's funniest joke. Harry started chuckling, and also burst into heavy laughter. The two began laughing to good friends. This went on for quite some time. And after a while the whole group got involved. The group continued laughing for almost an hour. And after they stopped, they all whipped tears from their eyes. "Seriously though, hand it over" Harry said. "No, I think I'll place it somewhere for Longbottom to find" Moughboy said, and flew up. "HOW ABOUT ON THE ROOF! WHAT'S A MATTER POTTER, BIT BEOND YOUR REACH!" Moughboy cried from up in the air. Harry flew up on his own broom. Tired taking from Mouthboy. Moughboy through it. And Harry took off after it.

Harry managed to catch the remember ball, but did wait in front of Professor Migonable.

Harry flew back. Everyone was cheering for him. But Migonable said for Harry to follow her.

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	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

"Seeker, but first years never made the house teams" Ron said. "Migonable said I'm the youngest seeker in a century" Harry added. Ron's twin brothers Fred and George came up them. "Great job Harry, witch just told us" Fred said. "Fred and George are on the team too, beaters" Ron said. "Our job is making sure YOU don't get bloodied up too fast" Fred said. "Can't make any promises though" George said. "Rough game Quidditch" Fred finished for him. "But nobody died in years" George said. "Someone will vanish usually" Fred said. "But their turn up in a month or two" they both said. "Come on Harry, your be fine" Ron said. "But I never even played Quidditch, what if I make a fool myself" Harry said. "You won't make a fool of yourself… It's in your blood" Hermily added. Harry and Ron looked at each other. Hermily showed them that Harry's farther was also a seeker. Harry, Ron, and Hermily ended in the forbidden third floor. They to hide in locked room to escape being spotted by one of the teachers. But they saw a three headed dog. And they screamed in fear, Harry and Ron sounded the way Hermily should of, and Hermily sounded the way Harry and Ron should of. They ran out, locked the door, and ran off. "WHAT DO THEY THINK THEIR DOING? Keeping a thing like that, locked up in a school" Ron cried. "You don't use your eyes do you, didn't you see what it was standing on" Hermily commented. "The floor, I wasn't looking at its feet I was too busy with its heads, or maybe you didn't notice, THERE WERE THREE!" Ron cried. Hermily went on about saying it must of been guarding something. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed, before either of come up with another clever idea to get us killed, or worse EXSPELLED!" Hermily cried, and closed to door to the girl's dormentary. "Mental that one, I'm telling you" Ron commented 


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

**I'm going to skip when to the Halloween scene**

"Where's Hermily?" Harry asked, no one in particular. "A girl said she wouldn't get out of the girls bathroom, says she's been in there all afternoon, crying" Neville said. Harry looked at Ron, who shrugged. Suddenly Quell burst into the room screaming about a troll in the dungeon. Then fell down, seeming dead or something. Everyone began panicking. Dembador got angry. "SSSSSSHHHUUUUUUUTT! UUUUUUUUUUPPPP!" He screamed, referring to the Kindergarten cop line, and he had the same face the guy had joining the scene, not sure what I mean, check it out yourself. Everyone stopped. Everyone stopped panicking and looked towards him, because of his sudden outburst. Dembador Angrily continued. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!(points both middle fingers)AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Suddenly he turned calm again. And said for the prefects to lead the students out of the castle, and for the teachers to follow him to the dungeon. Everyone began doing those very things.

Harry remembered Hermily still in the bathroom, and he and Ron sneak back into the castle. They saw the troll heading towards the girls bathroom, (heaven knows why).

Hermily had the troll two feet away from her. And it started attacking.

Harry and Ron ran in. "HELP!" Hermily screamed. Harry took out his wand and climbed on top of the creature and ended up stabbing his wand into one of the troll's large nostles. The troll grabbed Harry and started spinning him around. Harry was screaming like a girl the entire time. Ron ended using Wingodiulm Lavayosaw to lift up the trolls club, and it ended up hitting the troll hard on the head and the beast fell to the ground, pasted out. Harry had to take his wand out of the troll's nose. A few teachers ran in. Marginable got mad at Harry and Ron. Hermily lied and said it was her fault. And Harry and Ron saved her life, still partly right. "Be that as it may, it was a extremely foolish thing to do, and I was expecting more reasonably behavior on your part, and I'm very disappointed in you Miss Grainger, 50 points taken from Gryffindor" Marginable said. However the teacher added 50 points to both Harry and Ron for their bravery. The teachers soon left. "Nice of her, to get us out of trouble like that" Ron said. "Mind you, we did save her from a giant troll" Harry added. "Thanks" Hermily said calmly.

LATER THE NEXT DAY!

It was time for Harry's first Quittish match. He secretly was given the Nimblest 2000. The doors opened. And the teams of Gryffindor and Slythern started flying out. It didn't take long for the game to begin. At first Gryffindor was on fire. And got two goals. But Slythern started playing dirty. The Slythern captain launched a bulgder at Woods who acted as a goalie. Poor Woods fell off his broom, and was knocked out on the ground. A Nelson laugh 'HAW HAW' (The Simpsons) was heard from one of the Slytherns. Using the unfair advantage Slythern had gotten two of their own goals. Tying up the game.

Harry saw the snitch and started flying after it. But suddenly his broom started acting like it was bewitched, in fact, it WAS bewitched. "Whats going with Harry's broomstick?" Hagrid asked, watching Harry's trouble threw belonacles. Hermily spotted Snape talking to himself. "It Snape he's jinxing the broom" Hermily told Ron. "JINXING THE BROOM! WHAT DO WE DO!" Ron screamed as loud as he could. There was a brief moment where everyone stared at him. Then went back to whatever the hek they were currently doing. "Leave it to me" Hermily said. Hermily managed to light Snape's cape on fire. And distracted everyone, including Quell, who was secretly the REAL mastermind. Harry's broom stopped jinxing and Harry got on and continued after the snitch. Slythern was pretty close. Harry flew and the two dueled after it. But it was getting close towards the ground. Slytherns seeker flew off, guessing it wasn't worth it. Harry however continued after it. He was about to catch it but fell off his broom. He looked like he was about to throw up. But spat out the snitch and won the game, YAY!

LATER!

"NONSINCE! Why would Snape cast a spell on Harry's broom" Hargrid said. "Who knows, why would he be trying to get past that dog on the third floor" Harry said. "WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT FLUFFY!" Hagrid cried. "THAT THING HAS A NAME!" Hermily cried. "He's mine, isn't he cute… THREE HEADS, just like me uncle Jim, I lend him to Demadtor to guard the…. NOTHING! Its between me Demador, and Nickolas Formal" Hagrid said. Harry, Ron, and Hermily looked at each other.

**END OF CHAPTER!**

**It was created joining my week away with my mom's family. I loads of free time, without internet. **

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	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

**Well, I'll have to skip to when they get fall into the trap door.**

"Lucky, these plant things are here" Ron said. Suddenly worm like creatures started attacking them. Hermily told them to relax. It worked for her and Harry. But Ron kept panicking. Hermily saved, and Ron claimed to have been calm.

Next challenge was Quittich related. Harry had to ride a broom to catch a key. But all the other keys started attacking like angry crows. "This complicates things a bit" Ron commented. Harry managed to catch the key. And they headed towards the next room.

They arrived on huge chessboard. They were unallowed to pass, they had to play their way across room. A chess game, with LITURALY, fatal risk. The white's were winning, and they were losing. The queen was destroying all of them. Ron had to sacrifice himself, and Harry took out the king. Harry moved on.

Harry came into the last room. And was surprised to find Quell was behind was behind everything. Also Quell was drunk from a box full of alcohol. "HEY! YOU'RE THAT POTTER KID!" He cried. "But… Snape… He" Harry subdued. "YES! It does seem UPTIGHT DOSEN'T IT! Next him who could thing, Suddgfgdf, gfcg,cc,g;fg,g,b,… QUELL!" He cried. "But joining the Quitittch match… Snape tried to kill me" Harry said. "THAT WAS ME! And if Snape's GGH didn't KABOOM! I;DFGL,F;G;'DGFGG,F'LH, WOULD HAVE! HGFHH! HG;FLHFLHLF;HL… (screaming) !" Quell cried. "What?" Harry asked in a confused voice. "I NEW HE WAS ON TO ME! FROMTHEMOMENTWEMET! DDSFSFDFGVDG! HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEEENN!" Quell cried. "So then you let the Troll out" Harry said, starting to understand. Quell started throwing up. Then started talking normally. "Good Potter, yes" He said. "Snape, unfortunately wasn't fooled he barely left me alone" Quell said a lot more calmly. Quell turned towards the mirror. "I see what I desire, I see myself holding the stone, but how do I get it" Quell said to himself, or so it seemed. "Use the boy" said spooky and mysterious voice. "COME HERE POTTER! NOW" Quell screamed. Harry walked towards the mirror. "now tell me, what do you see" Quell said. Harry saw himself putting the stone in his pocket, and sure enough, that's where it was. Thinking fast, Harry said he saw himself shaking hands with Dembador, and he won the house cut. "He lies" said the spooky voice. "TELL THE TRUTH! WHAT DO YOU SEE!" Quell screamed angrily. "Let me handle this" said the voice. "But master you're not strong enough" Quell said. "I have strength enough, for this" the voice said. Quell unwrapped the thing he wears, revealing Valdomalt on the back of his head. "Hello Harry, I love my new body" He said. "Really" Quell and Harry asked. "NO! LOOK AT ME! I'M STUCK ON THE BACK OF THIS NERDS HEAD! AND IT JUST SO HAPPENS QUELL NEVER EVER SHOWERS!" Valdomalt cried angrily. "Ya, well I, I can't, I have to faces now, I can hardly think" Quell said. "NO ONE CARE!" Valdomalt cried. Harry tried to run, "STOP HIM!" Valdomalt cried. And Quell snapped his finger, and only exit, was trapped by a ring of fire. Valtomalt tried to convince Harry to join him. But Harry wasn't falling for it. And Valtomalt ordered Quell to try and kill Harry, and take the stone. Quell started strangling him. Harry touched him and Harry love acted like acid, and burned Quell, and he died when his body turned into a bunch of Aches.

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	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

Harry woke up in the hospital wing, and all stitched up. Dembador came over to him. "I see your finally awake" he said. "How did you guys get me out of there" Harry asked. "Classified" Dembador said. "But" Harry started. Dembador screamed at his face. "REALLY!" Harry cried. Dembador went on about how love killed Quell.

LATER!

After Griffindor won the house cup, the year was over. And everyone went home.

**THE END! (sorry for lame end)**


End file.
